All the things I haven't mentioned

I come to the computer with my head hanging in somewhat shame. On Saturday I experienced what I think could be considered a turning point as it relates to my attitude regarding this country. But before I get to the experience on Saturday, there are a few experiences I need to tell. Actually, there are only two - one from last week and one from today. But I think they will illustrate well the point I'm trying to get across.



Last week I stumbled upon the key to communicating with my students: the board. The specific class this incident involves is the 7th graders I have, and we're currently working on the seasons. We've been learning vocabulary (names of the seasons, characteristics, etc.) and now we're attempting to move on to describe weather and different kinds of scenery. Anyway, one day last week, I can't remember exactly which one, I had given each student a different picture that I cut out of a National Geographic magazine. They were supposed to write five words that described their specific picture. It turns out this was too advanced for them to do on their own, so we ended up working together on each picture. By the end of the class, the entire white board (and it's a pretty big one) was covered with pictures (things such as mountains, flowers, clouds, trees, branches, etc.) and then their appropriate English names. I had my camera with me for something in another class, and I was suddenly inspired. I asked my students to stand in front of the board so I could take a picture of them all in front of our accomplishment for the day. One of the girls made the "be right back" motion (different here than the one used in the States) and headed out the door. I assumed she was going to fix her hair. She came back with another student - one she had pulled out from the larger class with their regular teacher - so he could take the picture so I could be in it with them. Then before they would let him take the picture, they took my dry erase markers and added some sweet grafiti to the board (a few "I love teacher," "I love Tirisa" ). Talk about making my heart feel at home....truthfully, I love teaching. I still only have the most vague and tenative grasp on what I'm supposed to be doing, but I love it. This is, in so many more ways than I even imagined, the job I was made for - truly. The problem is, by the time I've fought my way back home, such glorious moments like this fade. And that's pretty crappy on my part. It's easy, and perhaps it's natural. But I'm determined to fight it from now on.



So fast forward to today. At school this week I will be working primarily with six students who are going to an English competition on Friday. The competition includes all the Arab schools in Israel, and it seems to be a pretty big deal. It consists of a written exam, and so far as I can figure, that's all. There are three students going from both the eighth and the ninth grades, and it is my privilege to work with them to prepare them somewhat for Friday. When I looked at the practice tests this morning, I just deflated. All the hope I had disappeared. It's been so long since I worked with the top levels in each grade (well over a month) that I forgot how smart they were, and all I could think of were the weaker students I have, and they wouldn't be able to get through the first page of the practice test. Anyway, I gathered my courage and intestinal fortitude and determined to do the best I could, and at least encourage the students to do their best - whatever that ended up being. I was pleasantly surprised. Really...pleasantly shocked and blown away. The competition puts a lot of emphasis on grammar, which is really unfair because the new curriculum in Israel puts nearly no emphasis on it whatsoever. But these students...they did amazing. We still have a lot of work to do to prepare for Friday, but I have high hopes for them. And what I did today with these students felt more like teaching than anything I've done so far.



Okay, so back to Saturday. I spent most of Friday in bed, feeling as if I'd been hit by a very large truck (as I think I mentioned). Wonderful Tiffany brought me leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner, which gave me the necessary fuel to come to the internet cafe and blog them. So welcome to Saturday. I woke up at a decent hour (for once) and just puttered around the apartment a bit. (In my mind I had a very clever joke about how the size of my apartment significantly lessens my puttering abilities, but outside my head it's remarkably less funny.) Anyway, I did some reading for University, I made some necklaces (my classes at the bead shop have turned me into a bead-jewelry making machine!), and of course, ate. Daive, poor thing, spent the entire morning staring at me, completely awake, attentive, and obviously bored out of her little canine skull. Around 2:00 PM I finally felt guilty enough and decided to take her for a decent walk. We went over to the park by the "river" (more on that later) a few blocks from my house and we had a delightful time. Since it was Shabbat, the park had a lot of people, families, walking with their strollers, their kids on bikes or rollerblades, or their dogs. There were old people decked out as if it was the North Pole rather than Tel Aviv, couples lounging on blankets by the river as if the river was something enjoyable rather than disgusting, and dogs dogs dogs. So many dogs. And (this is where it gets sappy, cheesy, and good) everyone seemed so happy. Except for the homeless men yelling at each other, nearly everyone was friendly and kind, enjoying their day of rest with those they loved the most (whether that be a piece of exercise equipment, a canine, or a human). Daive and I stumbled upon another little dog, and he and Daive ran and played like I haven't seen her play in a long time. Okay...I love the movie You've Got Mail. I think it's one of the most generally pleasant movies ever. If you've seen it, think with me of the part where Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are both walking to work on the sidewalk, just a short distance from each other (after they've already started corresponding via email) oblivious to the other. Anyway...it's a very pleasant scene - autumn in New York, the leaves, and so on and so on. Okay...take the pleasantness of that scene, change everything else about it, and that's kinda what I experienced on Saturday. It's a common proverb around here that Israelis are like this kind of fruit they sell over here. I don't know what it's called, but it's all knotty and gnarled on the outside, and then sweet and wonderful on the inside. I always understood it to be a way to excuse their atrocious lack of manners and so on, but I'm beginning to see the truth behind it. I can't even begin to tell you about all the people who have been extremely kind to me - a complete stranger I met in this internet cafe took my number and invited me over for dinner when she found out I was from the States and was homesick. The lady who runs the pet supply store on the other side of my block gave me the magnet with the store's number on it and instructed me to call if I ever needed any help with Hebrew, or understanding some aspect of Israeli life/culture.



Let me tell you about walking around my block. It feels like home now...which is SO exciting. I know people at both kiosks (like a convenience store only smaller and no gas pumps), the grocery store, the pet supply store, of course, the ice cream shop, and the miscellaneous store. I was walking Daive last week, and the man at the misc. store called me in to show me the new shelves they'd installed. The lady at one of the kiosks translated the mean letter from my neighbors the first week I was in my apartment. The man at the other kiosk knows what kind of prepaid cell card I need and tells me when they have international calling cards in stock and when they don't. There is a couscous restaurant in the very front of my building, and though I've only eaten there once (and didn't particularly care for it, to be honest) I'm on friendly terms with the owner/chef and the waitress. They ask me about my dog when I'm out without her. And of course, because I've been in such a perpetual funk, it didn't even occur to me that this was a wonderful thing until Tiffany came over and we went for ice cream. On the way I saw almost all the people that I am familiar with, and it took her commenting on it for me to realize just how much it's become home for me.



I got a Time magazine from a newstand over here, and the main article was about whether our genetics dictate our tendency to be spiritual or not. I have underlined key passages in this article and have MUCH to say about it...but not today. Even though I took a nap too embarrassingly long to mention here, I need to get home and go to bed so I can be up in time tomorrow morning. Keep a look out for my rantings about the Time article though...it'll be a doozy, but interesting at the very least.

Happy Thanksgiving

Last night a group comprised mostly of other first-year TASP interns (current or former) got together for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. It was a lot of fun, and the food was absolutely amazing. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, despite the fact I unanimously voted the party pooper for not playing Cranium and leaving early. I left because I felt horrible (the fast-paced weather change has wrecked havoc on my body...it seems confused by the whole thing), and I didn't play Cranium so they would remain my friends. It really boils down to the same reason I can't ever set foot in a go-cart when I'm around those I love. It's this whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde complex. Seriously...I turn evil. It's dangerous.



Today I've done remarkably little. Of course that's par for the course when one considers my normal activities on Friday. I know all I have is a cold, but I seriously feel as if a rather large and powerful truck has run me over a few times. Tiffany, displaying once more her overwhelming kindness and generosity, brought me leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner. The problem I had in getting food for myself was that there's a mini-grocery store near my house, and that's about as much energy as I could muster up this morning. I wanted soup...and couldn't find any. Turns out canned soup isn't popular here. To be more appropriate, I don't think it even exists here. Nonetheless, thanks to Tiffany, I was nourished, and actually feel much better now. I cleaned my apartment some, and came down to the internet cafe to get some articles I need to do an assignment for class on Sunday. In this matter though, I was overwhelmingly productive. I only had to find one or two articles, and I think I found five. Good for me. This class (quantitative research methods) has a paper that is a joint effort (there's three of us in my group) and will make up 50% of our grade. Yeah...no pressure. Anyway, we're going to research the attitude of Arab students towards Hebrew and English (respectively). The research will be done at my school, and is something I'm very much looking forward to. It's hardcore though...our teacher is serious about us doing the entire process right. And as much as I'd like to shrug it off as her being anal, it's actually really important. Sooner or later (though it's really too soon for my taste) I'm going to have to write a thesis. Then I will appreciate the pain-staking detail we have to put towards every assignment for this class.



On that note, I'm going to go brave the cold and head back home. Sorry for my entirely unpleasant last post. It wasn't such a great day. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Everything will be okay

I'm in a horrible mood. No pretending about it - I'm looking for ESL ideas to do a lesson on Thanksgiving tomorrow with my students, and I realized I'm going to miss entirely the Thanksgiving parade. It's amazing the things that get to me the most over here.



Also I have a wretched cold. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that, over a period of three days, it went from summer to winter. So I'm sick, and to get any kind of medicine (over the counter is what I'm talking about here) you have to talk to the pharmacist. No advil sitting out in the grocery store or anything convenient like that. So I'm taking cold medicine that turns me into a complete zombie, and barely makes me feel any better. I don't own a coat heavy enough to keep me warm in this weather, and buying one has been complicated by the fact that Israel sells clothes in sizes -0 to 4, none of which fit this girl. It's been a shameful, sad, pathetic, and depressing two days, I'll say that much for sure. Add into all of this the fact that I think I had a rather massive misunderstanding with a friend back home, totally unbeknownst to them, and now I feel like a complete moron.



And you know what? There are some good things happening - but I don't have time to write about them right now. And I don't even feel like it. I'm in a wretched mood, I feel like crap, and all I want to do is take the bus home and fall into bed where I plan to be unconscious for at least the next twelve to fourteen hours. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!



And you know what? If I let myself, I'd go on and on about how I really am not as miserable as I sound - because I'm not. But I don't have the energy and I figure anyone who takes the time to read this pathetic little diary of my life in this country knows that about me. There's actually quite a lot I'm thankful for, and being in this country is one of them, but something I'm not quite ready to admit right now. Besides, if I let myself be in anything but a bad mood right now I'd start crying and maybe wouldn't stop till sometime after New Year's.

Here's a funny story...

Thursday was my first day of school since Arafat died. Things around here have been fairly quiet, so it honestly wasn't on my mind very much. That is, until I showed up at school Thursday and realized that nearly everyone was wearing black. Everyone but, of course, me. I was wearing pink. Pink, as far as the spectrum of colors goes, is absolutely nowhere near black. Not even close. Lots of black everywhere...and then there was me....in pink. I hate to dwell on this, but it's vital that you understand the feelings of "oh my gosh I did it again" like I felt when I wore a tank top the first time I went to my school (uncovered shoulders = no no). I'm like the queen of the cultural "oops." Anyway...it ended up that the school uniform in the winter time is black. Surely some were wearing black as mourning, but many (if not most) had just switched to the winter uniforms.



I guess that's all for now. I should say though, that it really is winter here now. It went from being sweat-enducing hot outside to need-a-jacket cool outside, literally, overnight. Nice. And of course...when I was packing and running out of room, the winter clothes were the first to go. Not so nice. But I'm sure I'll be fine.

Few issues of note...

Few things important enough to mention:



- Yesterday it rained for the first time...which means it is winter now. The change was, literally, an overnight change. Today people on the streets all had jackets and umbrellas, and the students at my school switched to their winter uniforms. I remember one of our University teachers telling us that if we happened to be teaching a class when it started raining, that it would be pointless to try to keep on...because they'll be entirely distracted. I was actually in a University class, and it's true that all of us, and we are graduate students, were entirely distracted.



- I ate with Mary at a Chinese restaurant near my house last night, and the dessert we ordered was set on fire once it was placed on the table. It's the first time I've ever had food that was on fire in my presence (when it was supposed to be).



- I walked home from school today along the promenade, and the view was amazing. I took pictures (some of you will be receiving these pictures). The water was incredible...I think today was the first time I saw real waves.



Anyway, there's not a whole lot going on right now. I've come to the conclusion that I can't go home for Christmas, which - though tragic - is probably for the best. I am planning to come home for a good portion of my summer break. We'll see. Please keep me in your prayers.

My new hobby

I am taking a class at a bead store here in Tel Aviv. It's a beginners class, and teaches how to make jewelry of various sorts. It wasn't all that expensive at all, and it has been EXTREMELY helpful for me, for a whole variety of reasons. It gives me something to do that is calming, relaxing, and has absolutely NOTHING to do with teaching English or TASP. So beware, for many of you will probably be receiving Christmas gifts of the beaded kind.



Realistically, nothing is going on at all. I haven't had school at all this week, thanks to the breaking of the Ramadan fast. I'm hoping people at my school will be more cheerful in general now that they can eat during the day. I know I'll be happier. And now the students can't dupe me into having class in one of the empty downstairs hallways because they're too tired and hungry to climb a flight of stairs - the whiners! :)



Anyway though, I've decorated my apartment for christmas, and that's pretty much it. I did manage to find a small fake Christmas tree, so I didn't have to tape ghetto fabulous garland to my walls. And I've decided that on our stockings, my name and Daive's name will be written in English and Hebrew. What if Santa is monolingual and only knows Hebrew? It's so stupid, I know, but when I said that to one of my friends I laughed for ages. I'm currently attempting to do an assignment for one of my University classes tomorrow, and I'm finding that the Israeli government's website is as difficult to maneuver in as the country itself is. Go figure. It's exhausting my patience though, so I'm going to go before I have to start using foul language. Night all.

Maybe not REALLY funny...but still...

Okay, I was just glancing at the statistics for this site...and I genuinely laughed out loud. The graph sort of zigzags all over the place, but then there was this one REALLY high point. I was like, "What in the world?" Then...on a hunch, I counted backwards, and - yes - it was the day of the bombing here. Thanks for caring, everybody. :) It truly means a lot to me that so many of you came to check and make sure I was still alive and rambling. Love you!

Another one bites the dust...

And then there was 13.....



I received news tonight that another intern is planning to leave the program. It's not going to be immediately, but she was one of my favorites, and so it makes me sad. But I know she's been unhappy, and therefore I support her in this decision wholeheartedly.



On a much happier note, I just "happened" to venture into a store equivalent to a dollar store (only everything was 4.90 shekels, when 4.50 shekels equals 1 US dollar...whatever, they were being either sarcastic or difficult). Nonetheless...I found these little jingle bell-like things...and bought them. Then, as I was wandering through... (drumroll and hold your breath everybody) I found Christmas ornaments AND lights! Too good to be true! I know the issue of the Christmas tree can be a controversial one in the States...but here it makes a huge statment. And you know what - to be perfectly candid, I don't care if it didn't. I'm insanely homesick, and Christmas tree = reminder of home. I think I'm going to go for the old attach-garland-to-the-wall-with-adhesive-in-the-shape-of-a-tree, cause they obviously don't sell Christmas trees here.



I'm in an internet cafe (a different one than usual, actually) and five emergency vehicles with sirens and lights going just passed by. Call me whatever you like, but that makes me nervous. And they were fire trucks. Ambulances - actually, just one going by with lights and sirens doesn't bother me any more than it would in any other setting. But five...together...with sirens and lights...of the fire type - makes me a wee bit nervous. Whatever...I'm sure it's something horrible but probably not the kind of horrible thing I'm thinking about.



Can I just tell you also how much I am appreciative of my friends? I had dinner last night with one of the other interns and she was talking about how important it is to establish yourself here in Israel. I agree wholeheartedly with that part. Then she was saying how she doesn't keep in touch with many of her friends from home. Enter disagreement. The more she told me about her friends though, the more I understood why she wasn't keeping in touch with them. Me on the other hand, have friends more amazing than even I can understand sometimes. Point in case, a certain extraordinary young man who is a dear friend of mine, purchased a phone card for the sole purpose of calling me (after I left a dramatic and semi-emotional message on his cell phone a few nights ago). Nonetheless, he called, listened to me complain and whine about how much I seem to detest this place as of late, and was more thoughtful than I can even put into words. God has blessed me with such amazing and truly extraordinary friendships. It's so easy for me to see the world through doom-colored glasses, particularly since I've been here. But the reality is that even though the day-to-day life is difficult, I've been providentially given so very much, especially when it comes to friendships. I'm not trying to be mysterious about the identity of said amazing friend - it's just that he's pretty humble and I'd hate to embarrass him - embarrass him further, that is. Last night, after he asked me a particularly thoughtful question, instead of answering, I insisted that after he hung up with me, that he call his mother and thank her for her role in making him into such an amazing man. It was a spur of the moment overflow from my heart - because he truly is a wonderful friend and far more thoughtful than most. But I think I did embarrass him a little. You know what though? Thank God for his humility though. I'm getting a bit off the point here...but for God to have made him both thoughtful and sensitive - it's not as rare a thing as I think it is, perhaps...but in my experience it's pretty rare. Then one of my friends from my program called me this afternoon to tell me that, since she knew I've been feeling homesick, that she wanted me to go with her some Shabbat to her friend's family's home for dinner and to spend the night. It was such a kind gesture - I'm so spoiled. Thank God for it though - He has certainly been using my friendships (both here and back home) to sustain and encourage me though.



Enough of the tangent, I suppose. I'm going to go buy some tape and go home and decorate my "tree!" :) Love you all!

So far, so good

First of all, the newspapers seem to be saying, that as of now, Arafat's successors had time to organize during his illness, so they seem to be doing a good job of taking over in his wake. Of course, though, only time will tell. Speaking of the newspaper, the English version of the Israeli paper I get, I've never been so conscious of reading propaganda before in my life. It's crazy! I understand that it's their perspective and all...but gracious, the entire paper was full of it! Anyway...I'm not stating my opinion for or against Arafat...I'm just saying that I think it's sketchy to wrap up one's opinion (whether it be the opinion or one or an entire culture of people) and present it as fact. Though truly, I guess that's what all media has a tendency to do. Back to the point though...time will tell. I'll be sure to keep you updated.



In other news (ha) I must publicly thank Jeff Watkins. He made me a mixed Christmas CD...sometime, I don't even know when. Last night, by the grace of God, the funk of depression, homesickness, and loneliness lifted, and while cleaning my apartment, I listened to the Christmas CD. What a mood-lifter it was! I even called him to say thanks...but he wasn't there, so I left a message. I love Christmas music, though being here...that's a whole other issue. Obviously, Christmas isn't celebrated here, and that sort of puts a damper on the festive mood. One of my favorite things about the Christmas season is the Christmas lights. I'm doing my dead level best to scrimp and save every shekel in order to attempt a trip home for Christmas. This is another issue where all I can say is: time will tell.



I guess that's really all that's going on right now. I'm going to stop by superpharm on my way home and pick up a few things...and then it's reading until bedtime. Later!

I picked a fine time to be in the middle east

The title of this blog was the subject of an email my sister sent me just a few minutes ago. She encouraged me to post and keep all of you updated on the insanity that is life here.



If you don't know, Yasser Arafat died this morning. Mary, my most wonderful and faithful friend, called me this morning to tell me. My first thought was how the timing seemed inevitably providential. I won't be at my school in Jaffa until next Thursday. It's crazy, Tuesday after the classes I was supposed to have and didn't, I walked from Jaffa into Tel Aviv with Elyssa (one of the second year interns at the same school as me). The issue of Arafat dying came up, and I told her about how Marion had warned me to keep my eyes and ears open when such a thing happened. I asked Elyssa what she thought about it, expecting to receive the kind of infuriating assurances I received after the bombing last week, about how life goes on, it's just part of how things work here, etc. However, I actually was encouraged by her to "worry about that. Definitely it is something worth being concerned about." Of course, because the issue of the massive conflict here is so entirely foreign to me, I don't even know what to be concerned about now that it has come to pass. We shall see.



Life, however, seems to be going on as usual. He died after the papers were already printed, so walking down the street past all the kiosks didn't present me with the evidence of triumph and general good will over his passing. Tomorrow, however...will be a different story. (On an entirely unrelated note, I was walking home the other day and one of the Hebrew newspapers had - on the front page, the headline - was a picture of Michael Moore's face in the middle of a bullseye with a dart positioned on his forehead. That was one of the few times I've really wished I could read Hebrew.) Anyway...life where I live goes on as usual. Of course...I live in north Tel Aviv, and if I haven't mentioned it, the socioeconomic status coordinates to the directions here. The further north you live, the higher your SES is. Obviously, it's not foolproof, because I live in the north and an quite poor. Nonetheless, it works out for me because it is an amazing neighborhood. I'm getting off the point though...for now, all seems to be well. I didn't have school today because after the third period there was a special celebration to commemorate the end of Ramadan. And I won't have school Monday or Tuesday...so I won't know how things are in that part of the city until next Thursday. Maybe nothing will happen...perhaps it will be not a big deal. Perhaps by then things will have calmed down. We shall see.



On a more personal note, I'm homesick and lonely out of my mind. I wrote an email yesterday to some friends telling them how I feel like all I do in this country is fight. After I sent the email, I ended up having a conversation with a couple beside me in the internet cafe, and the man said, "Until you know the codes and the way life works here, you struggle non-stop." Not that I need external validation to know that life is an uphill battle here...but it was reassuring. Made me feel less crazy. All I do is read, sleep, and eat. Oh yes...and cry. So while the country is in yet another crisis, I'm in my own unhappy rut, languishing in the midst of a whole variety of unpleasant emotions. Please pray for me - for my safety (physical, emotional, and mental), and that God would sustain and preserve me as He has thus far. Were it not for His faithfulness I would have either already gone home, or hurt someone here. Love you all! I'll keep you updated. :)

Not sure how I forgot to mention this....

One thing I somehow forgot to add earlier...I got another tattoo this week. The "Yahweh" tattoo on my left wrist has been the source of constant tension, frustration, and general bad stuff since my arrival in the country. And yes....if I had known three years ago that I was coming to Israel, I probably would not have gotten it tattooed on me. So, I covered it up with a dove. It's a hard-core dove tattoo, but totally filled in (with black). One of the second-year interns that's at the same school as me told me it looked like a vampire bat. I'm pretty sure she was kidding, even if she wasn't though...I certainly don't care. At least I don't have to endure the death stares on the bus anymore, or the abundance of questions, and the scathing after-the-questions glares. All in all a good decision. When I'm 60, and my grandkids ask their parents why Grandma got an elephant tattooed on her wrist when she was younger, I'll probably curse my youthful impulsiveness. Sixty is a long way off though. Realistically though, I'll probably have both my tattoos removed if/when they become a hindrance to whatever ministry God places me in. That's all.

May I share with you what I realized yesterday? This week has gone really quite well. That's it. That's the revelation of the hour...of the day. I don't think I've cried at all this week. Now THAT is saying something! No wait...I did tear up when I was discussing evolution with Mary. But I was tired and frustrated...that's entirely different. And it's not like this week has been perfect - I mean, hello...the bombing? And it's semi-contained chaos (at least in the media and in conversation) because Arafat is sick/on the verge of death. At school some of my classes went extremely well, some went horribly, and I didn't see two classes at all this week. But it's still been a very good week, more due to the fact that I'm settling in. Becoming comfortable...gracious, it's a state of being I took for granted for the majority of my life, I can say that now.



For some reason I don't have a whole lot to say, which is actually rather surprising. I will share one moment of my week that makes me smile even now when I think about it. In one of my classes the theme is "your day." We just started it, so I wrote a short story about the sequence of my day and such. Anyway, my students in this class didn't know the phrase "wake up," and I was explaining to them what it meant. Ali, one of the funniest students I have, jumped up from his chair and half-shouted, "Ahhh! Wake up.....Wake up with Nescafe!" (Nescafe is HUGE around here....most of the coffee is instant...if that's what Nescafe is, and I'm halfway certain it is.) Anyway, I laughed very hard, and now whenever he sees me he manages to work Nescafe into the conversation somehow. And when he turned in the sequence of his day, listed after "wake up" was "drink Nescafe."

I'm okay

There was a bombing today in Tel Aviv. It was at the Shuk Carmel, an open-air market I visit frequently. Scary. I'm at school right now and have a lesson in a few minutes, I just wanted to put something up and let everyone know I'm alive and okay - though a bit nauseous and freaked out.