A Confession

My dear friend Katelyn emailed me today and "booed" the anonymous comment given about my sarcasm and complaining. Many thanks to you Katelyn for calling my attention to the statement. I decided against deleting the comment, because honestly, I think it would be cowardly. Though I have to say that, given the fact that this is a private blog, I'd be surprised if I did not know the person who commented, and I think it's cowardly to say such a thing anonymously. Truth be told, it's actually a very valid point. Whoever you are, you're more right than I wish you were. I appreciate your comment so far as I believe such things are part of the providential will of God. However, I still think it was cowardly.



I bought a National Geographic magazine yesterday and it contained a poster of the earth, as seen from satellites. Anyway, it's an amazing poster. It's the first time I've looked at a map (or map-type document) since I've been in Israel, and I became instantly very frightened and very homesick. Email makes the distance seem not so great, but truth be told, I'm very far from home. I actually became very depressed and lethargic, which frustrated me because yesterday had been such a good day. I began praying, and was overwhelmed by the feeling of conviction in my heart. Yet I could not figure out what the problem at hand (or in heart) really was. Basically, the conclusion I came to is that I've become incredibly worldly. The sins of my mouth are many and constant, it seems. And yes, cowardly commenter, sarcasm and complaining are two of those sins. On the one hand, this site has been an area in which I can be totally honest and share the goings-on from my life, and with that comes a certain degree of honesty. I've felt quite comfortable in that since the only people (that I know of, anyway) who come here are people that know me. It's out of the desire to justify myself though, that I explain away the issue as one of communication. It's ultimately a problem with my perspective on life. I confess to you all: I have used this as an avenue to express my bitterness, depression, homesickness, frustration, and general negativity. And for that I ask your forgiveness - from all of you - because the purpose of this site - the purpose of my life as I believe it and understand it to be is to bring glory and honor to the God that I serve. And as this providential stranger has pointed out, I have not done so. Please pray for me, that God would give me the grace and the growth to see all that happens in my life through the lenses of His providential and sovereign grace.