A quote from John Bunyan's book All Loves Excelling

O the length of the saving arm of God! As yet thou art within the reach thereof; do not thou go about to measure arms with God, as some good men are apt to do: I mean, do not thou conclude, that because thou canst not reach God by thy short stump, therefore he cannot reach thee with his long arm.

Love that.

Fear of God

So this week I've started studying the fear of God. God has provided me with a wonderful spiritual family, and we meet once a week to fellowship and study the Word. Last week, we decided to study the fear of God and talk about it this week. So I started looking up verses on the fear of God, and started to see how very often it appeared, and yet how it seems to be so absent from Christianity today.

I've been struck by this in a way I'm having a very hard time putting into words. In college, when I went over to the "other side" and started calling myself reformed/a Calvinist, I noticed a quality or trait in quite a few of the people I looked up to that held the same beliefs (Stuart Swicegood, Mike Godfrey, Eric Most - to name a few). It was this intangible quality, that I couldn't put into words, but knew was good. It was this calm trust, this obvious faith, a kind of active resting in God. I remember Eric Most always used to talk about delighting in the sovereignty of God. That was totally his catchphrase. And it was what these people did. To me, it gave off a whole different picture of God. I know people joke about Presbyterians (who are generally reformed) being the "frozen chosen," and I see how that's an error one can slip into. But when there isn't any kind of apathy or laziness, it looks very different.

Having grown up in Baptist churches, the picture of God that I got from the actions of those around me was one of a busy, frazzled, overworked God. We had to work ourselves into the ground and plead for people to walk the aisle because it was dependent on us. I see that as kind of the opposite error of the "frozen chosen." The middle ground between them is what I saw exemplified in the life of those three guys listed above at school, then in the lives of Beth and Adam in Korea. It was a proactive rest and trust in God. It left a profound impact on me. Now, as I have been studying the fear of God, I think this formerly inexpressible quality is just that: the fear of God.

I have been reading all I can get my hands on about the fear of God, and one sermon I read last night said, "This means that in America today, as well as on the mission field, it won't do to simply present God as a caring loving God. The gospel will not be the gospel against that backdrop. It only makes sense against the backdrop of truth. God is holy and glorious. We have all sinned against him and fallen short of that glory. We are under his just wrath and without hope. But God so loved the world that he sent his only Son that whoever believes in him might be saved—saved from wrath (John 3:16, 36)." (It was actually in a Piper sermon, you can find it here.)

What was presented to me in church growing up was this God who loved ME so much that he sent his son to die for ME that I might have eternal life and I could be happy in eternity. Despite what I know were the good intentions of those in leadership, it was very man-centered. And that is what I love about reformed theology - that it is entirely God-centered. The point though, is that I think a big reason so much of American Christianity is man-centered today is because we focus on the love of God to the exclusion of other attributes, such as holiness, justice, and wrath. Focusing only on those last three would lead to other errors. The point is, I really think there must be a balance.

Another awesome quote from an article about the fear of God, "The reason why grace is so little appreciated in our days is that the transcendent majesty and sovereignty and holiness of God are so little appreciated, and we do not see much more than a half step between God and our sinful selves." I found this article to be the most profound, and it can be found here. Totally go read it.

The point of this blog is just to let out where I'm at with all of this. It's been one of the most productive things spiritually in quite some time, for me. I'd love it if anyone had some thoughts to share on the matter. What do you think it means to fear God? How does that fear play out in everyday life?

Save Darfur

Go here to find any events in your area.

Reading about this hurts my heart. It has literally kept me up tonight. I've been praying, or trying to pray, but I don't really know what to say.

But I know that feeling overwhelmed and doing nothing isn't the answer. So, however meager and tiny my actions may be, I'm going to figure out what I can actually do.

Daive is fine, by the way. I'm sure you all figured that out by now, because if she wasn't, I wouldn't be, and you'd probably all know. It's the most remarkable thing, though! She doesn't have death breath anymore! It was just pathetic when I picked her up from the vet. She was still majorly drugged from the anesthesia, and spent the entire ride home fighting against her eyelids. Her dog instincts were instructing her to look out the window, but her body just could not keep her eyes open. When we got home, I set her down in the backyard so she could pee before I took her upstairs to sleep off the rest of the drugs, and the poor dog just had a rough go of things. Her back and front ends were trying to go in different directions. At one point she actually ran into one of the poles on the trampoline. I eventually had to send Seth out to pick her up and bring her to me.

Then maybe two nights ago I was talking to Ellie about how uncomfortable the bed in my room is. It made me feel horribly ungrateful, because the room I'm in was basically furnished for me. Anyway, she immediately volunteered to swap beds with me, to see if I might like hers more. I actually slept on hers when Bethany and I were here back in August. It's really comfortable, but sort of has this hammock-feel to it, because of something with the frame. So when you lay on it, you roll to the middle, and it sort of turns into this wonderful heavenly cocoon. Absolutely has changed my life. Never mind that it is almost impossible to get out of in the mornings, what with my brain being encompassed by a fog of grogginess. It's just awesome.

And I'm kind of sick right now. Mrs. Debbi had the same thing. It's like the flu, with the all over body aches, but I don't have a fever or a cold really. I'm coughing some, but I've been coughing some for weeks now. Anyway, I just feel gross. Gross, achy, sore, whiny, and kind of old (even though I know I'm not). Then, as I was trying to get out of the bath tub last night, I slipped. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, but it just reinforces this idea that, in some ways, times, and situations, I am my very own worst enemy. No...that's overstating it. I'm just clumsy. And Lord knows I come by that honest. (Ahem...cough, cough, JEN, cough, cough, ROLLER-SKATING, cough, ahem.)

Speaking of Jen, let me just tell you that I miss my sisters. Both of them. A lot. I need to come hang out, figure out some way to kidnap Val so I can actually spend some time with her, let us all laugh (until I gag - cause that's just how I roll), and then go get some nachos at McGuires. THAT...that would be awesome. It'd be even more awesome if we could go to McGuires when NO ONE has died. That would be a change for us, huh? Let's work on that, okay? I love you two.

I have separation anxiety.

So Daive is at the vet right now. She's having her teeth cleaned today. For those of you that don't know, that is in the category of surgery for animals, because it requires full anesthesia. I have her going to a Banfield (the same kind of vet I worked at over in Dothan) and I know they do a full panel of pre-anesthetic bloodwork to make sure the dog is healthy enough to handle the anesthesia. Still. I know she'll be fine. I know I'll be fine. But I'm still really rather looking forward to picking her up at 3:00.

I just ate rolled-up lunch meat that I dipped in hummus. I ate that a lot in Israel. My friend Mary was doing this no/low carb thing, so instead of dipping some kind of bread in hummus, we would dip meat. Sounds kind of...well, disgusting, now that I go back and read it, but trust me...it's quite yummy.

Sorry for the delay in posting. My life has been rather hectic and a tad bit stressful these days. I'm working on settling into a routine here with the kids, but it's been rough. I just had an amazing time with God, and feel really quite energized and ready. I made a list of goals to strive towards over these next few weeks, both with the kids here and personally. I'm excited. This place I'm at right now, it's definitely not where I expected to be, but God has done so much and is providing so much for me right now. It's really amazing.

Seriously, try the meat and hummus. But not the crappy kind they sell at Wal-Mart. Try the kind from Publix, or from a foreign food store or something. Night.

My Apologies...

to those who thought I had locked them out of my blog. I was tweaking the template, and having a considerably difficult time with it. I managed to screw it up so severely that it would require more time than I had at the time, so I temporarily locked down the blog so I had time to fix it without it looking all wonky.

There's that, and then I had a very sudden and very unpleasant bout of sickness this evening. I was actually on the phone with a friend, and it hit me suddenly. Besides being unpleasant, it was quite unexpected. I am fairly allergic to onions and garlic, but I had neither of those recently, so I don't know what the issue was.

In other news, thanks to MySpace, I've been reunited with an old friend from junior high school. We were best friends for two years, and then I turned all Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. I treated this poor girl horribly. I tried to track down her email a few times over the years, but never could find it. Then I thought I had it about half a year ago and emailed her, apologizing for how I had acted and asking her forgiveness. I heard nothing back, and then today got a friend request on myspace, and we've been exchanging email via myspace this afternoon. It is so refreshing to see how well she is doing, and refreshing as well to know that she has forgiven me. She's actually in Jacksonville, so I plan on meeting up with her sometime. It'll be exciting.

Today was really the first day of work for me. Between yesterday and today, I managed to sit down and figure out a workable plan to get the kids caught up and finished in their schooling by the end of the year. I felt pretty overwhelmed about mid-day, trying to keep all the different schooling schedules straight in my head, along with the chore assignments/schedules, who has youth group when, soccer practice, and whether or not there is a car available to take the children to their specific activity.

But...are you ready for some AMAZING news? Mrs. Debbi is buying a car for me. Like for real, for me...is going to put it in my name (eventually, will stay in hers for awhile to get an insurance discount). We're going to get it tomorrow. It's a 1999 Buick Regal with only 45,000 miles on it. It was a one-owner car - an old man, even - so supposedly everything is in awesome condition. It just astounds me. She told me that she has bought a car for all of her children, and it was really something God had placed on her heart to do for me. I'll be sure to post pictures!

Anyway, it's late, and I need to head to bed here shortly. Love you all! And sorry for the locked-out confusion!