A Confession

My dear friend Katelyn emailed me today and "booed" the anonymous comment given about my sarcasm and complaining. Many thanks to you Katelyn for calling my attention to the statement. I decided against deleting the comment, because honestly, I think it would be cowardly. Though I have to say that, given the fact that this is a private blog, I'd be surprised if I did not know the person who commented, and I think it's cowardly to say such a thing anonymously. Truth be told, it's actually a very valid point. Whoever you are, you're more right than I wish you were. I appreciate your comment so far as I believe such things are part of the providential will of God. However, I still think it was cowardly.



I bought a National Geographic magazine yesterday and it contained a poster of the earth, as seen from satellites. Anyway, it's an amazing poster. It's the first time I've looked at a map (or map-type document) since I've been in Israel, and I became instantly very frightened and very homesick. Email makes the distance seem not so great, but truth be told, I'm very far from home. I actually became very depressed and lethargic, which frustrated me because yesterday had been such a good day. I began praying, and was overwhelmed by the feeling of conviction in my heart. Yet I could not figure out what the problem at hand (or in heart) really was. Basically, the conclusion I came to is that I've become incredibly worldly. The sins of my mouth are many and constant, it seems. And yes, cowardly commenter, sarcasm and complaining are two of those sins. On the one hand, this site has been an area in which I can be totally honest and share the goings-on from my life, and with that comes a certain degree of honesty. I've felt quite comfortable in that since the only people (that I know of, anyway) who come here are people that know me. It's out of the desire to justify myself though, that I explain away the issue as one of communication. It's ultimately a problem with my perspective on life. I confess to you all: I have used this as an avenue to express my bitterness, depression, homesickness, frustration, and general negativity. And for that I ask your forgiveness - from all of you - because the purpose of this site - the purpose of my life as I believe it and understand it to be is to bring glory and honor to the God that I serve. And as this providential stranger has pointed out, I have not done so. Please pray for me, that God would give me the grace and the growth to see all that happens in my life through the lenses of His providential and sovereign grace.

More

So today at school went SO much better than I could have ever imagined. Truly...no sarcasm at all there. It was amazing. Marion came, and was able to experience first-hand the chaotic environment and schedule (or lack of schedule). She went with me to one lesson (I only had one lesson today, instead of three) and had my class size shaved down to five students instead of 11. It may sound wimpy wimpy wimpy, but let me tell you...with these kids being INSANE, tired of being in school, hungry, and always trying to talk over me in Arabic, translate for everyone else to show their command of the English language (even though they only succeed in thoroughly annoying me), and inevitably throwing things...and then add in the classroom acoustics that are too terrible to be accidental, then also add in the noise of the air conditioner (each classroom has individual units, not window units, but similar)...and five students can still be overwhelming. The thought is that with five students intead of 10, 11,or 12, I'll be able to actually accomplish something in the 35 minute period beyond taking role and getting the students quiet in time for the bell to ring.



One thing that's interesting that I don't think I've mentioned is how I am (at the school in Jaffa) more popular than I have ever been in my entire life. Seriously, with no exaggeration whatsoever, when I am walking to a class, or to the teacher's room after a class, going up/down the stairs, I am greeted by countless students (not just my own either) calling my name, asking me how I am, etc. Having never been a popular student during my own public education, and now experiencing something akin to popularity, I have to say that I'm grateful for my past unpopularity. There's something to be said for the privacy given to nerds and all other unpopulars. Being popular means you're always on stage...and while that's okay because being a teacher means you're also on stage most of the time, it's a very new experience for me.



And...this is the best part of my day, without a doubt. Samia, theEnglish teacher who coordinates TASP in the school, told Marion some really amazing things about me in my presence. They were exceptionallykind words that were like giving water to a parched man in the desert. It made up for, entirely, all the times I've gone home from school and cried. Then Marion was heading up in the direction of my apartment, so she gave me a ride. I was slightly concerned about awkwardness, but we had excellent conversation the whole time.



Yesterday was University classes, and in one of the classes, the professor asked us something about the Danks, and told us that we should always feel free to let them know if there are problems withtheir part of the program. (TAU is responsible for the academic dimension of the program and the Danks are responsible for the actual intern experience portion of the program.) I'm sure the professor didnt' realize the can of worms she would be opening with that statement...oh gracious. And most of the issues were genuine, authentic problems that need to be addressed. But I cannot help feeling that we've unknowingly lit a fuse...perhaps a really LONG fuse, but the feeling that an explosion is imminent is overwhelmingly strong.



Yesterday I left my apartment around 8:00 AM and didn't get back until around 6:00 PM. Daive was cooped up for all that time. In my guilt, I took her to the pet supply store behind my apartment and bought her a can of dog food (she normally eats dry only) and, due to the need to buy one with a pop top (don't own a can opener yet) I got a brand I normally would not have bought. Then, due to laziness/insanity (pick) I gave her the entire can. I should have known better. No...I DID know better. I don't know what I was thinking. She ended up pooping twice last night in the apartment. Once at 4:30 and then again at 7:30 AM. It's totally my own fault (and forgive me for getting a little disgusting here) but I nearly got sick. I have some issues with the smell and texture of canned dog food due to some bad experiences I've had in the past. The smell makes me gag. Each time I woke up (at 4:30 and 7:30) it smelled like someone had opened up a 40-gallon vat of dog food and left it open in my living room. NOT exactly the kind of morning I'd ever want to have.



I need to go buy some school supplies before I go home and eat dinner, so I'll end this. And Mary, I'm more than happy to hear your soapbox on missionaries...perhaps in email? :) I'm up to it, I think. Love you all!

I would apologize for the lack of posts, but I'm not going to because I've been extremely busy AND because only one person commented on the last post - which was posted for the purpose of getting opinions and comments. So - no apology for you.



This is my second week of graduate school. I have to say, after the first day of classes I went home and wrote in my journal something to the effect of, "I know have a much better idea of what drowning must feel like." Thankfully, things have improved, dramatically really, since then. Of the 4 classes I have, it seems promising that 2 of them will be interesting on a regular basis, though which 2 it will be is subject to change. Nonetheless, these are my classes:



- Quantitative Research Methods

- Linguistic Models

- TESOL Practicum

- Language Policy



I have so much more to say, but no time. I'll try hard to post more frequently and elaborate more on my first experiences. Until then....

Some Weighty Issues

Okay, this is a link to an article in the paper from last weekend. It's an intense article, one that has stuck with me since I read it over a week ago, and I wanted to share it with you. Please, if you should have the time, let me know what you think about it, how it struck you, etc. Here it is:



http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/485930.html



And, in a somewhat similar and related vein, I'm going to put in here the actual text - WORD FOR WORD IDENTICAL - from a poster that has been plastered all over the country. Mary told me about it, and I honestly didn't believe her at first. But then I saw it, read it, believed her, and stole one off a public bulletin board. Here goes: (are you ready for this?)

Visitors to Israel:

We extend a warm welcome to you on behalf of the Jews of Israel, and say that we greatly appreciate your visit to our country during this particularly difficult time.

However, we wish to share with you our deep concern over a growing number of incidents in which Christian missionaries have come toIsrael under the guise of innocent tourists and then actively engaged in converting Jews to Christianity.These missionaries seek out poor and disadvantaged Israelis, and then offer them financial support on condition that they adopt Christian beliefs and religious practices.

As such, the Jews of Israel regard missionaries as enemies of theJewish people, and their financial contributions as lethal bait with which to achieve their evil goal of destroying the noble religious heritage of the Jewish people.

Therefore, it is important to emphasize that missionaries are persona non grata in Israel, and that every legal action to stop them can and will be taken.

The Jews of Israel say:

Yes to Tourism!

No to Missionaries!

Intense, huh? I thought so. It actually freaks me out a bit. I have a HEAP of thoughts I'd love to share about both the article (the link above) and the poster, but honestly, am not entirely sure it would be a good or safe thing to share them here. Freaky, huh? I think so. Anway...please - the reason I'm sharing both the article and this poster here is because I'm curious as to your response. So please share - either comment or email me. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

Adventures of the day

So let's talk about trying to go to the doctor in Israel. I love the insurance, because when they cover something, they cover 100% of it. No copays or deductibles (at least not that I've been able to figure out or has been explained to me thus far). Okay, so here's a bit of a long story I'm going to attempt to condense for purposes here: I had braces when I was in high school because my jaw is screwed up, and at night I grind my teeth and/or clench them throughout the night and wake up with persistent continuous headaches. After I got the braces off (my senior year of high school, I believe) I have worn my retainers every night to sleep because without them, I clench my teeth and wake up with persistent continuous headaches. I'm talking, headaches that last ALL the day long. Anyway, the retainers fell prey to the separation anxiety of a certain dog that we all know and love. It was while Mary was letting me stay at her house before I moved into my apartment, and the retainers in question were in a case shoved down in a bag, and that bag was in another bag. Not sure how they got them out...but oh yeah, the destruction was accomplished. So I've been without them for maybe two weeks or so (give or take a bit) and the headaches have returned. SO...I went to the doctor yesterday. The hours of nearly everything here are foreign to me - for example, my doctor's appointment yesterday was at 8:30 PM. Whatever. Anyway, the doctor diagnosed me as having TJM.



Catch that? TJM... NOT TMJ. I've yet to figure out if he just reversed the last two letters or if maybe they call it TJM here or what. I honestly don't want to think about it too much. Anyway, he told me I needed to go see a specialist, and wrote down the pronunciation of the type of specialist so I could tell the insurance company when I called them. I called them this morning, and they told me I needed to fax them the referral. Of course, I received no referral from the doctor. I called the doctor and told his secretary what I needed. She didn't know what the word "referral" meant, so I explained that it was like a prescription to see another doctor. She made me an appointment today to go see the doctor and get my referral. Five minutes after we hung up, she called me back to ask why I was coming back to this doctor when he wanted me to go see another one. I (patiently, to my credit) explained again that the insurance company required me to get a referral before I could see the other doctor. I waited around, and when I arrived for my appointment, she simply handed me a piece of paper (written in Hebrew of course) and told me that's all I'd need, and everything should be fine now. I've already faxed it to the insurance company, but I'd be very surprised if that was, in fact, the correct information needed for me to see this specialist. We shall see though.



In the meanwhile, I bought a bottle of Advil yesterday. No lie, I paid 90 shekels for it, which is 20 US dollars. I tried to get the pharmacist to give me the Israeli equivalent, but he didn't. No clue why. Did I mention that here ALL the over-the-counter medicine is, ironically, behind the counter. To get Advil, Cortisone 10 stuff (for the super-morphed-too-strong mosquito bites I've been getting here)...anything like that, you have to get it from the pharmacist. Even some acne medication is behind the counter. Another thing I don't think I've mentioned that is different about Israel...no free refills in restaurants. And usually (not always, but most of the time) the only places that have fountain diet coke (or any other type of soda) are fast food restaurants. So in restaurants, I usually get a glass bottle of Diet Coke - one of them. If I'm feeling particularly adventurous I'll get two...but each bottle is about 2 US dollars, so it gets a bit ridiculous.



University classes start Sunday. I'll have two classes on Sundays and two classes on Wednesdays. I've become pretty accustomed to only having responsibilities three or four days a week, so it's coming as a bit of a shock to my system - "What?? I'll only get to sleep in maybe two days a week instead of four??? What is this?!" I'm exaggerating slightly, but you understand. One of my classes is a statistics class, and I cannot even begin to put into words how NOT exicted I am about that class. No way, uh-uh...not looking forward to it. And incidentally, I'm not entirely sure I'm looking forward to the 15 of us first-year interns being in classes together as we will be. They're closed classes (as far as I understand, anyway) so in all likelihood, it's just going to be the 15 of us. Fun fun. I had dinner last night at one of the other first-year's apartment, and she made an entirely accurate observation as to the make-up of our "cohort" (as the program director is so fond of calling it)...she said, "With the exception or maybe four or five of us, the rest are all really genuinely strange." And it's true. And the sad thing is, that the four or five changes - sometimes from moment to moment. It depends on the day, the mood, and how much alcohol some interns have consumed in the last hour or so.



Ah yes, I thought I'd share more of my current reading material. The big book store here, it's a chain and has stores all over the city, has been having this sale - 30% off of all books in English. I was fortunate enough to purchase C.S. Lewis' complete chronicles of Narnia, with illustrations, for less than 40 US dollars. I've also invested in the individual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. I had to read them when I was in 6th grade, and even then I knew they were insanely clever and hilarious. Re-reading them has been the highlight of my week. I'm currently on the third one, Life, the Universe, and Everything and should be starting So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish tonight or tomorrow sometime. Fun, fun.



Well I think I'll go now. I've got a few things to do this afternoon sometime, and need to head in the direction of my home. I pray that you are all well.

So very much to say

Picture this with me, if you will. I was at the market yesterday (though I did realize that if I wanted to keep any kind of remotely positive image of mankind, I must avoid it in the future - but more on that later). As I was attempting to thread my way through the crowd of people who have no clue of what it means to walk in an efficient and courteous manner, my eyes came upon something that made me smile - and indeed continues to make me smile. So...picture this with me.



There is a stool in the middle of what would be an intersection if it weren't the market area. On top of the stool is something that looks like a combination between a small kiddie pool and a large bucket. Standing in the bucket on top of the stool is a man clothed in green spandex. The spandex suit covers his head (all but his face), has long sleeves, and long pant legs. His face is painted green (in the disturbingly same shade of green as his suit). He is playing a guitar, and alternates between playing a harmonica and singing. How can one observe something like that and be even remotely unhappy? It's just not possible! I still had to make my way out of the market, and that was unhappy...but the image of the green man has stuck with me. Sitting a few feet away from the stool, there was a woman sitting cross-legged, staring up at the green man admiringly. And I realized just how strong a thing human affections and emotions can be. It made me think a lot about the green man. What in the world makes him sing, play his guitar and harmonica, while wearing a green spandex suit, standing in a bucket atop a stool? Is it a political thing? Did he lose a bet? Did it just sound fun to him? I would have stood around and listened to what he was singing, but it was in Hebrew, and there was no point.



Monday was a rather exciting day for me. I arrived at school in time to have a rather helpful and yet extremely frustrating conversation with the English teacher that coordinates our schedules in the school. One of my groups of students (the one I have after school that Fakhr is in), one of the students told their regular English teacher that they didn't understand what I said, that I spoke too quickly, and they didn't want to come to the class anymore. Throughout the course of the conversation I started crying, not because I was taking it personally (though the struggle not to do so was immense - you that know me well know how sensitive I am) but because I thought the class was going SO well. Samia and I discussed it, and she ended up telling me to just go back home and relax for the day. It wasn't a disciplinary release...it was a merciful pardon. Anyway, the more I thought about the whole thing I've realized what the problem is. Below are the major points:

• The class is after school. Who wants to stay after school for anything unless they absolutely have to?
• These students are some of the weaker ones I have. The fact that they don't always understand what I say is inevitable. As one of the second-year interns said to me today, "When you're learning a new language and have a native speaker for a teacher, it's inevitable that you spend part of the time underwater, so to speak." And she's right. When I took Spanish II in high school we were only supposed to speak Spanish in class, and we spent the greater part of the first semester in severe and profound confusion. But by the end of the first semester and into the second, our Spanish had improved dramatically.
• ONE student of the eight in the group complained. This student happened to be a boy who wants to be playing football (soccer for you Americans) rather than studying English. See the first point.

Anyway, it's still frustrating, because if I have any idea at all what I'm doing, it's at best a very vague one. But it gets more clear everyday. And the fact remains that I really love my students and the school in general. Besides, if I didn't take it personally when one of the students (not one of mine, one at the school) asked me if I was pregnant, how can I take it personally that a high school student doesn't want to stay after school?

I've been having some issues with the toilet in my apartment. (Sound familiar, anyone? Remember #30 in the ghetto?) It began giving me some problems the day after I moved in, but I didn't want to be pestering my landlady before she had even cashed the rent check. So I waited, and ended up waiting far longer than I intended. I called her yesterday around 3:00 or 4:00 PM and told her there was a problem. She told me she would come by and check to see if maybe the pump had been turned off, and if it was more than that, she'd call a plumber. Well she came by, and called a plumber. She ended up just staying and hanging out with me in my apartment, and we talked for awhile, waiting for the plumber to arrive. She was quite impressed with how I had arranged it all, and LOVED my couch (oh yes, I did buy the most amazing couch Monday). Long story short, the plumber came, fixed the toilet, cleaned the bathroom (and I'm not just talking, cleaned up the REALLY disgusting stuff, he scrubbed my toilet for me and mopped the floor!). He also changed my porch light (long story why I couldn't do it), and fixed part of the light fixture in the living room for me. It was amazing. All I could think was, "Am I still in Israel? I can't be...everything worked out far too well too quickly." But still in Israel. Amazing.

Well I'm just about finished with what I think I have to say. Ah yes, for all of you who are interested, my postal code is 63118. And feel free to email me, my inbox has been disturbingly NOT full at all for some time now. I miss you all!

Mini-Update

I apologize for the lack of writing. I've been both busy and away from internet access. So...here's a quick update (I'm currently writing in an internet cafe and have only NINE minutes remaining!):

• I moved into my apartment and have already received a nasty note from my neighbors saying Daive is too loud. It was written in Hebrew (of course) and I had the friendly clerk at the nearby convenience store translate it for me.
• I LOVE my apartment. Daive and I figured out a better place for her to stay where she is quieter, and there have been no more nasty notes, which helps in me loving the apartment. It's three blocks from the port (and therefore, the Mediterranean sea). Amazing, huh? There's a landromat across the street half a block away, a 24-hour grocery up the block, a pet supply store on the other side of the block, and a school with some grass in front of it on the other side of the block (for Daive). It's perfect!
• University starts a week from tomorrow...I'm not sure if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it. Looking forward to it, I think...but mostly because I've pretty much run out of reading materials.
• I've finished Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series...anyone else read any or all of the books?
• No lie about this...seriously....one of my students is named Fakhr Fakhr. That's his first name...AND his last name. Fakhr Fakhr. Mary told me I should get him a movie poster from "Meet the Parents." He wouldn't get it.

Okay...five minutes left, and I need to get home to Daive anyway. Ah yes...first though - I have a cell phone now! Number is (and yes, I'm so shameful and in need of love from the "outside world" that I'll post my number here) :) country code: 972, number: 052 476 1888. My Dad called me using a calling card and said he didn't have to put the 0 in the 052 in to dial me. Whatever. I love you and miss you all...sorry for my absence!